Twilight, Or The Idiot’s Guide To Flirting With McSparkles and McHairy

Write a summary of the book you’ve always wanted to write for the back cover of its dust jacket.

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About three things I was absolutely positive.

First, Edward was someone’s weird sparkly idea of a vampire (dude SPARKLES…Dracula would stake himself).

Second, there was a part of him – that thirsted for my blood..umm obviously because he’s a vampire?! Alert the media.

And third, I was unconditionally infatuated with him..he’s hot and sparkly. What’s not to like?

When Isabella Swan moves to the perfectly normal town of Forks and meets the mysterious, high collar jacket wearing, constipated Edward Cullen. Okay she stalks him first. And obsesses over him, despite saying she’s not interested in that sort of thing.  With his too-much-foundation white skin, golden eyes, normal guy voice that Bella finds alluring,  and supernatural gifts (like hunting deer), Edward is both irresistible and probably not playing for the same team as Bella is…

What Bella doesn’t realize is that the closer she gets to him, the further he backs away, because he can’t stand the smell of her..and it might be too late to try a new shampoo. Twilight is a love story about an ordinary girl who’s made up to be every girl’s idol, because she is plain, unattractive and STILL gets two guys fighting over her.

Watch out, she’s a player, and flirts with everyone on purpose. And two perfectly good guys get hurt in the middle.

The Number One Best Seller, Twilight.

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