How To…Love The One You’re With

Love the one you’re with. Love the place you’re in. Love the time you’re in. Love the people around you. Love and live, the moment!

What might I mean, you ask? Well, ‘love the one you’re with’  crops up: a phrase which directly interprets as ‘love the person you’re with, even if you’re not in love with them, and don’t think about the one that got away’.. In love and the one that got away? Is there nothing more to life anymore? Relationships are overrated. Unrequited love even more so. To me, loving the ‘one’ encapsulates the place i’m in, the person (or people, yeah if I was that social) I’m with, and the sheer moment of time i’m in. And since I have a totally different view of the topic, I decided to write a “How To…” about it.

1. First off, start noticing things. Noting minute details, everything about the things around you. You cannot love or appreciate anything unless you understand it. So go ahead, notice the view outside your window, or if you live in a box on the street (respect to you), notice the cracks in the sidewalk. Yeah, that seems insane but trust me on this one. Little things matter. Start looking.

2. If you followed point 1, its time to move on to the second step..(if you’re still stuck on noticing details, maybe you need glasses. Seriously, pick anything. Even a light switch will do.) The essential thing here is, you need to find happiness. No, good things don’t really come to those who wait. You need to go out there, or in there (depending on what your happy place is), and root the little sucker out. Found some happiness? You should at least have dug up a tiny smile, if only at how ridiculous this article sounds, but its there, right? You’re happy! Find some overlooked good thing in the detail you picked, something you never noticed earlier. The world can still surprise you :).

3. Things done. Next: family. Now, you and I both have read the ‘blood runs thicker than water’ bit and been taught how to prioritize family and friends etc. Needless to say, everyone wants to throw their family on a space shuttle to Mars every once in a while, but we don’t act on that impulse, which shows true love, no? I like to think so. Anyway, pick the person you have the worst relationship with, and take some time to think on why that is so. You’re not a saint, so don’t go baking muffins and making up on an impulse, because thats just sentimentalism.. but do try and dwell on fixing your connection. That will be time well spent. Every minute you spend thinking of ways to atone for a mistake or repair a relationship will be productive.

4. Yes, there’s still more. I’m sorry, but happiness isn’t an easy commodity to come by, as are arguments, bad weather, and an empty fridge. People and things, done. The most important bit is left: time.

“Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”
― Marthe Troly-CurtinPhrynette Married

Now see? The keyword being ‘enjoy’. Please don’t assume I’m promoting ‘live like you’re dying’ or for that matter, ‘YOLO”, because those concepts are nearly always destructive and dangerous. I have a friend who got a navel piercing and an infection to go along with it soon after. Why? Because YOLO! What? :/. To enjoy time is to love it, and live it. Living every moment is impossible, unless you can control your every breath, but you can’t. If a Tibetan monk is reading this, I’m sorry Sir, YOU can balance your breaths because you are a divinely spiritual being, but this is meant for ordinary people like me, who have no such luck. Every minute passed turns into the past, so try actually feeling and breathing the next minutes you have.

Why spend time being negative when you can pick details, find small joys and do good things for the people around you? Relationships come and go but family (husbands, wives, dogs and cats included) and (some) friends really are forever. Like diamonds. And cockroaches. Indestructible.

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4 Comments Add yours

    1. Viva Violet says:

      Thank you. Keep reading! 🙂

  1. Alex Jones says:

    Relationships are like a garden to be cared for, thus they take effort. Too many gardens don’t get the sort of attention needed, better to limit it to just a few that matter.

    1. Viva Violet says:

      You are so right. Effort in maintaining relationships ultimately leads to happiness.

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