Lullaby, by Diane Guest. What can I say? The book had me shivering and jumping around at every tiny sound like a squirrel with its tail on fire. I could not put it down, and at the same time I couldn’t read it through either. Few books have scared me, but this one came out of nowhere, just an innocent looking book, and it packed a terrifying punch. But the point is, how do you get through the after impact of a horror novel, or film?
The answer? A few steps…
- After I watched Insidious, I was scared of everything. Closets, doors, even the ceiling, you name it. And so, I found comfort in my pet cat Coco. Step one: Keep your pet near you at all times. Failure will result in a random ghost attacking you from behind the kitchen door.
- Alright. Where is the one place all horror movies usually center around? The bathroom. After watching/reading a horrific tale, you might be too frightened to venture into the terrifying world of tiles, glass and mirrors…is that even your own reflection looking back at you? So step number two: Have a sibling/friend stand outside the door giving constant reassurances while you pee. Now, this is ONLY if you’re really really scared out of your wits. My sister does this for me. Oh, and if you happen to have an outhouse, find a really really loyal companion to brave the cold :).
- Think you can hear someone walking behind you? Tiny shuffling footsteps scraping on the carpet? Someone standing behind you even as you’re reading this post? They probably are there…but no need to jump out of your skin. Step number three: Keep glancing back over your shoulder at intervals of three minutes apart.Now this might seem ridiculous, but come on, that spirit behind you isn’t going to vanish itself!
- You’re walking over to turn off the lights in the back porch, or the garage and the dark garden looms before you like a cemetery with eerie lights. You get scared, breathe heavily. Step number four: RUN. As fast as you can, without stumbling or falling (like people in movies).If it is a ghost, it’ll probably appear as soon as you get your sprinting self into your bedroom, but give it a run for its money anyway. No pun intended.
- Unlike the actors in movies, if you DO find a spirit lurking in the dark corners of your bedroom, don’t ask it stupid things like “What do you want?” “Who are you?” etc.. If it wanted to tell you things, it would have given you a friendship bracelet instead of stalking you like Nicki Minaj does green wigs. So instead, have a conversation..step number five: Develop a refined sense of humour that pleases natural and supernatural beings alike so they don’t want to slash your brains out anymore.
- And finally, pick a magic place. That’s right, you’ve discovered my true age. I am four. No really, when I was younger, I had a firm belief that my bed and the quilt on it were magical safety spots and nothing could get me there. So step number six: Claim a magic safe place and stick to it.This will save you lots of scares, although it might get you into trouble with your therapist…but not all of us are Lindsay Lohan, now are we?
Six fool-proof steps to getting through the impact of a horror movie/book with virtually no side effects. Hope you survive yours 🙂