Posted in Everyday Clutter, Postaday :D

Oh, Let’s See. Why Not A Walrus?

Daily Prompt: Slash and Burn

Thematically, this post will be pure nonsense. Read if its worth your while.

One day, gazing into outer space with my super binoculars, I realized that once you turn into a walrus, you never turn back. I mean, you could, if you really really wanted to, but why would you? You’d have a fine pair of silky whiskers that you could manipulate, pull and arrange all the time as you like. And your skin would be slippery, fishy and will not need any maintenance whatsoever. Sure, your body will be more like a blob of squishy-ness, but your heart would be the same, and other walruses will love you, no matter what you look like.

For the discerning walrus, there would be stores to purchase top hats from, and eyeglasses appropriate for the opera, for example “Walrus and More.” Add a waistcoat and you’re all set. If you’re a socially awkward walrus, you’d need a cell phone to hide behind so you don’t have to interact with other walruses face to face; this could also be arranged. Obesity would not exist, because aren’t walruses supposed to be all blubber?

As a walrus, you could have access to many amusement parks and zoos. Of course if you’re a particularly handsome specimen, someone could always kidnap and ship you off to Peru, but the likelihood of that happening will be slim, since you’d be so fat and hard to lift. So you see, the essence of this was to tell you, fellow human, that if you woke up one day as a walrus, life wouldn’t be bad. In fact, it could be pretty great.




21 years old and none the wiser for it. I read on the way to work, at work, and after it. Words on a page are underestimated: they have potent, deadly powers. And I like saying words like 'pluviophile.' But I swear I'm not pretentious. At least not all the time.

13 thoughts on “Oh, Let’s See. Why Not A Walrus?

  1. Oh, I liked this, and now, I must confess that I’m giving serious thought to walrushood. 🙂 I get tickled just thinking of the benefits – but alas! I don’t think walrushood is a possibility for me. You see, while I already have many of the fine qualities of a walrus, I can’t swim! Maybe I’ll just be a hippo instead. 😉

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