I’m a control freak. I thought ‘helpless‘ wasn’t in my dictionary. Until this morning.
Today, around 7.30 AM I had the two worst nightmares I have ever had, even as a child. And what makes you feel more helpless than your subconscious? It shows you things you can’t control, or change. Unless you’re a lucid dreamer. And I’m glad I’m not. I wouldn’t want to have been awake during that dream. Read on, to hear my helpless nightmare.
The First Dream:
I was asleep in my bed in a previous house, and it was early morning. The shades were drawn and very weak light strained through them. I was wrapped up in my favourite blue blanket, and my sisters had just left for school. All of a sudden I felt like there was someone in bed beside me. Now if this wasn’t frightening enough, I saw something moving at the foot of my bed, but when I pushed the blanket off, there was nothing. My heart beat raced out of control. I got up and went to the door, because I could sense that somewhere in the gleaming dark, there was some sort of presence watching me. The door didn’t open; my fingers were too weak. I hysterically banged on it until my grandmother opened it and let me out. Silence. Peace.
The Second Dream:
A second after I had escaped the first dream, I had the second one. This time I was in my actual bedroom, sleeping just as I was in real life. I woke up, groggy and heard voices coming from somewhere in the room. And then I panicked. I ran to the door, and realized the voices were issuing from the bathroom. My breath froze, and I saw the blue bathroom light spilling out into the corridor. Silhouetted against this were three figures, that definitely didn’t look human to me. In my eerie state, I tried to run, but my muscles seized. It was here I realized that I was probably dreaming. And so, against the sheer terror, I squeezed my eyes shut. And then I woke up, in bed, my legs tangled amidst the sheets. I heard weak meowing beside me, and looked around for my cat. She stood there, watching me, but somehow it wasn’t her. I called her, but she didn’t respond.
And then, I actually woke up…
I have never felt such a strong sense of helplessness before this. It was sheer terror, and it consumed me wholly; I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The presence, the faces, the shadows. And I yelled for my grandmother to come and get me because I couldn’t even get out of bed for fear.
Helplessness makes me feel…helpless. And that is not a pleasant feeling at all.