I’ve seen so many couples. Teenagers in for a ‘fling’, couples struggling through their 10th anniversary, even couples who relished their 70th year together, and still found themselves wishing for more time.
And now I want to root out the rules for a successful relationship. I won’t pretend that I can even begin to understand a ‘serious’ adult relationship and all the issues that it faces. However, I have seen one marriage that quite frankly left a horrible impression on me: my parents’.
I’ve seen a lot of couples where the woman emphasizes that she wants control, again and again, like some sort of dominatrix Cat-Woman character who carries around a whip and manacles…ignore the scary eerily sexual image. I believe that both partners should possess an equal amount of control, naive as I might be. I also know that often this is not possible.
What I do know is however, that no one should fight for top position as it were, after a Darwin-esque manner. So, Rule Number One as I see it, is Respect.
- Don’t yell. Raising your voice unnecessarily causes a loss of respect.
- Respect isn’t given or seized, it’s earned. Treat your partner like you want him to treat you.
- I cannot stress this point enough: NO emasculation. This is obviously for girls/women. In any case of any situation, emasculation is not okay. It won’t get you an iota of respect, and once you step down this path, it can be hard to stop.
- Absolutely never say ‘I told you so.’ This might be frustrating and sound impossible, but try to restrain yourself. Taunting and I told you so’s pave the way for drama and nastiness, but never respect.
- Lastly, become a good listener. Never shoo away your partner when they need you, it’s just not wise. Listen calmly and sincerely, and instead of dispensing advice, just make the other person feel like they have a true listener in you.
I have seen the worst example of a ruined marriage for some 12 years so far and I hope I never make the mistake with my own life. Therefore, rules should apply. And respect is underrated, I do believe.