Dumbledore’s ‘signature’ dialogue, which in a way opens and closes the Harry Potter series. Since the phrase refers to the four houses, I’ll let my mind ponder over the possibilities…
After being sorted, I would be ecstatic. Actually, since I’d be so brilliant, I would just politely and demurely congratulate myself, sit at the house table and immediately start discussing complicated spell work…My trunk would contain more books than clothes, so that when I wore the school robes, they’d always give off a distinct odor of ancient leather bindings and crumbling pages. I’d have an owl for a pet, because I would know that practically they’re good for sending messages. I’d be conversing with brainy wizards all across the world, and probably also Lord Voldemort. Because even though I would fear him, I’d still envy his mental prowess and want to know his secrets. My raw intellect would sideline any emotional or fearful feelings I’d be the crazy girl hiding in the bathroom trying to divide my soul into eight pieces…oh and my best friend would be a piece of parchment on which I’d have written ‘Nerds are people too.’
Realistically, I don’t think I could be in Gryffindor, because I get scared just calling the electrician. I’d love to be fearless though. So, dream commence. After being sorted into Gryffindor, I’d swagger, yes, swagger over to the red and gold lathered table and introduce myself as the greatest being that ever walked on this planet. Haha no, I’d never do that…a bit too show offy for my taste. Instead of bothering to speak, I’d just whip out the custom made placard bearing my name and details out of my robes and display it round. Ha. Being a Gryffindor, I could continuously flout the rules and still get points. I’d smash a bathroom stall and then receive 50 points from McGonagall because I’d have saved the school from faulty plumbing, or something. As a Gryffindor I’d be able to do whatever I wanted, and have other people label me ‘fearless’. Oh, and I’d probably get myself one of those realistic lion hats, like Luna had.
Oh my my…look who’s walking by. Straight shiny black hair with a streak here and there, a pronounced lilting walk and heavy black eyes. Tight clothes, check. Red lipstick, check. A completely bitchy attitude. Triple check. Yeah, being in Slytherin, I’d be an arrogant, God complex ridden, probably pureblood witch. Pun intended. I’d wear silver and green and constantly say things like “Uh-huh, you can’t talk to me. You’re a muggle.”, or “Move away, you half breed.” I’d be a nuisance, a pedigree and Lord Voldemort would be on my speed dial. I’d buy my robes at weirdo places normal people don’t go to, because I’d have family money. Like the Gryffindors, I’d be able to break the rules and get away with it, but only because the teachers would be too scared of my important Ministry employed father, or my best pal Nagini. I wouldn’t study, but practice dark magic and turn people inside out for fun. Shudder. Moving on…
Ahh Hufflepuff, the dustbin of Hogwarts. The reject table in the metaphorical cafeteria of life. The nobodies. The invisibles. Okay so it’s not as bad as that. If I was sorted into Hufflepuff, my IQ would probably be below par. I’d have a fluffly name, something like ‘Softpalm’, ‘Fizzywinkle’, or the everlasting ‘Diggory.’ People would make fun of me in the hallways. I’d have some courage, but it would all be covered up by my various layers of fat. I’d wear the badger bearing crest on my chest proudly and would mistakenly think it makes me worth something. I’m not biased, but to get sorted into a house with the word puff in the name…not a blessing. I’d be one of those people who’d spend Saturday nights at their grandparents’ house baking cookies. Intellectual pursuits would make me shiver and I’d paint and sketch my friends’ faces everywhere to remind myself of their existence. It would take me years to just master ‘Wingardium Leviosa’ and I’d do really stupid things like fly backwards on my broom. And I’d own a toad, because I’d be too skittish to buy a dangerous or badass looking pet. Yellow is the colour of sunshine, but also of jaundice and vomit. Either way, Hufflepuff would be a pain in the neck.