Okay so when you’re a kid and your parents pop in a Disney movie with lunch or supper, you get all excited. A fantasy land with cartoon characters and singing and dancing! What could be better? However, now that I’m older, I’m beginning to see those movies in a new light…
5. ALICE IN WONDERLAND (1951)
So, Alice takes a trip down a magical hole, chasing after a white rabbit that’s wearing a tailcoat and pocket watch. And after the whole fiasco ends, she wakes up and realizes its a dream? Yeah right. More like LSD. I’m so sure that instead of just having an overactive imagination, Alice smoked some mind warping drugs and went on a bender. That has to explain the weird characters, and especially the Queen of Hearts, who was about as gentle with her husband as a Black Widow spider. Also, she appeared to have several gender related issues.
Oh and the caterpillar was definitely smoking some sort of hash to be that creepy. The whole film was a colourful bright and entirely drug drenched affair.
4. TARZAN (1999)
When I saw this film again, I was struck with some very alarming thoughts. Tarzan, raised by apes lives in a jungle and wears a tiny loincloth. Plausible, yes. The perfect 8 pack, also plausible. However when Jane meets him, and falls in love, it’s clear what has happened. She’s from a typical British background, and was raised to sip tea and make polite quips about curtain fabric etc. Meeting Tarzan, it’s obvious she finds his primitive and rugged form quite alluring and ‘falls in love.’ Really? She gives up her dresses and bone china tea sets and settles down with a smelly jungle man who can’t even speak the same language? Talk about cultural barriers…
Also, HOW is Tarzan perfectly unshaven? Creepy. And lastly, what will Jane do when she gets her period in the jungle? Ape made tampons..?
3. PINOCCHIO (1940)
Hmm. I have just one main concern with this film. And that is the sheer disturbing fact of Pinocchio’s existence. Geppetto ails for a son, and so builds a wooden one? Umm, how does that add up? The normal process of procreation involves a man and a woman, and babies. Or has life taught me wrong? Because Geppetto here, instead of looking for a wife to have a son with, makes up a wooden version and then what? Waits for a miracle to bring him to life? Is Geppetto gay? Because as far as I’m concerned, he constructs a wooden doll and spends all day talking to him, just waiting for a fairy to show up…
Once Pinocchio becomes a ‘real boy’, he travels all over town with a cricket, just so he can learn how not to lie? Conquering one of the deadly sins is laudable but why is that the focal point of the film? Is there nothing else left in his life?
2. SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARVES (1937)
Alright, so I understand and can go along with the film to some extent. Evil stepmother hates pretty stepdaughter and wants her killed because of her own insecurity. Huntsman softens and lets the girl escape. Okay, then it gets strange. Snow White promptly finds a random cottage and cleans it…obsessive tendencies much? Moreover, she lives with and keeps house for seven dwarves… Inasmuch as there was a pastoral state of innocence, she stays with seven men and that too, quite cheerfully.
As if this wasn’t disturbing enough, the Queen transforms herself into an old hag and shows up at the cottage, offering Snow White a shiny red apple, a piece of which gets stuck in her throat, causing her death. Umm, Satan anyone? And the forbidden fruit? A loved Disney classic basically retells Adam’s fall from Heaven, with Snow White as Eve. Why are there scary Biblical images in a kids’ movie? Lastly, the Prince shows up and rescues his princess. He does two things. One, he saves her from dying, and two, he saves her from having a permanent Adam’s Apple, and becoming a man…
1. HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME (1996)
There is a reason why this film disturbed me. It wasn’t made for children. Claude Frodo, a lecherous debauched priest was certainly not your average run of the mill kids’ villain. What made me uneasy was the expression on his face…his eyes screamed RAPE in every scene of the film. I will address this issue in a moment.
But first, Quasimodo. I’m certain that watching a hunchback who lives in a bell tower and is most certainly schizophrenic (the talking to gargoyles bit) is not healthy for children of any age. A child will get depressed at the morbid imagery and life story of the character.
Back to Frodo. When he sees Esmeralda, who’s made out to be a gypsy, there is a whole musical number about how evil and wicked she is. During the song, there are lewd images being drawn in the fire, clearly pointing to the fact that Frodo hates her because he simply wants to nail her, and can’t. Repressed and depraved sexuality in debauched Catholic priests is a widespread topic, but why is it shown in a kids movie? Yes, we know Frodo wants Esmeralda and that she represents free sexuality and femininity and Virgin Mary while the Church only looks upon Jesus, but why is this portrayed in a Disney cartoon classic? So so disturbing.