Right off the bat then…here are the seven different types of girls I met in school:
1. THE FAKERS… These are the girls who arrive at school everyday with a determined, gleaming, practised smile. They meet their fellow students with hugs, gushy emotional outbursts and loaded compliments. “Oh hi *insert name*, you look wonderful today! I’m so jealous of how your hair stays that perfect!” These fakers have no ‘best friends’, per se. They have a gathering of gaggling girls. The problem is, once they go off alone, the bitching begins. They critisize everyone and everything about everyone behind their backs. Oh, and these are the people who started the TBH trend online…just saying.
Motto: “If they can’t hear it, it can’t hurt them.”
2. THE POSERS… *Flash*. These girls begin their day taking pictures of their bowls of cereal, the shoes they want to wear and the coffee stains on the smoked glass tabletop. When they meet their friends, they greet each other and immediately whip out their cameras. The posers spend their time studying the angles and planes of their faces, checking when the light catches the subtle lowlights in their hair. Every move they make is posed, and their lips are in permanent pout position. Even at funerals, and in bathrooms they manage to upload a few instaphotos…They don’t have actual friendships: none that take place away from behind the lens at least.
MOTTO: “Say cheese, it’s the only fun we’ll have today!”
3. THE GOSSIPS… Ahh, the most intriguing category. These are the girls with the know how, who know everyone and everyone knows them. A bit like the fakers, they make it their mission to worm into everyone’s life and fish out their dirty secrets. They’re usually busy with their cellphones, texting a hundred people at once, spreading gossip like the plague. “She did what with whom?!” Everything is their business, and they make ridiculous facebook pages like “Who’s Dating Whom?” and “Who’s Crushing On Whom?” They’ll have seen your profile picture, your ex’s profile picture and your sister’s best friend’s cat’s picture. These girls can give the CIA a run for their money; they resent other people’s happiness and spread news around to make up for the fact that their actual lives fall flat.
MOTTO: “I already knew that!”
4. THE MATCHMAKERS… No two words about it, these girls are the modern day equivalent of bored old Victorian era dowagers. Like the gossips, they know everyone, but for entirely different purposes. These are the girls who’s so involved, personally with everyone’s lives that they take up the dreaded occupation of matchmaker. They will target you, ask you if you’re single. Then they’ll proceed to talk about their brother’s friend, or his friend’s cousin, or his friend’s cousin’s best friend, only to tell you how good you both will look together. Unlike the gossips and the fakers, these offline dating sites mean no harm. They’re only involved with your lives out of sheer boredom, and a lack of appreciation in childhood.
MOTTO: “So, tell me about yourself…”
5. THE REPRESSED… Okay, how do I approach this? These girls are happy when it’s an all girl group but bring in a guy, and they shrivel up. They cringe at the mention of boys, and visibly shudder if they ever have to go address a member of the male species. Their favourite words are ‘Ew, him?’. Now, this behaviour would be acceptable if these girls were merely conservative…but no. They are repressed. Secretly, they envision having a hundred guy friends, making boys hang on to their every word, being flirty and witty and captivating. However, with their girlfriends, they lie and pretend boys are an affliction. Their true selves come out when they actually meet a boy. Then, it’s all smiles and compliments. These girls are desperate to gain male attention, and envy the girls who can carry it off. Their repression leads to destructive behaviour, and openly desperate attempts.
MOTTO: “Boys are disgusting…in a wonderful way.”
6. THE OBSESSED… As should be obvious, these girls are the exact opposite of the repressed. They’re the ones who started caking on make up at fourteen, sneaking out to ‘parties’ and mixers at 15, and making fools of themselves all throughout. These girls live to get male attention, and they make it overt. If they’re intelligent, they’ll pretend they’re stupid, they won’t like video games, and they’ll practise flirting in the mirror every night. They have a high tinkling laugh that’s meant to be feminine but sounds like glass shattering everytime it slips out. Every move is practised, and they hang out in groups. Before a guy, they’ll be soft-spoken, delicate, poised, but once the unfortunate suitor leaves, they’ll become themselves: whiny, annoying and mean. Drama is food to them, and bitchiness a mandatory gene.
MOTTO: “It’s a boy! Quick, put on your face!”
7. THE GENUINES… This is the rarest, and best category here. These girls are just real. They’re down to earth, and are at home with girls, guys, dolphins or polar bears. Conversations with them seem to last forever, because you can tell them how you really feel, about everything. These genuines are warm, caring and loving people with big hearts and wonderful attitudes. Far be it from them to bring you down; they keep your spirits up, and are blessings in the way of being your best friends. They can be loners, they can be social butterflies, but you’ll know when you meet one of these girls, because they’ll always have a genuine hug or compliment ready, and will make you feel comfortable and secure. These are the girls I have spent most of my time at school with, and yes, they’re one in a million.
MOTTO: “I care about you, truly.”
So there you have it. These are the seven types of girls I met in school. Which one are you?