Say No To Slurpers

So I’ve had some strange friends. I’ve known some strange people. I’ve seen people who breathe just through their mouths, people who pick their ear lobes when talking, and people who twitch when they talk. 

All these quirks are okay. 

But what is not okay, is weird eating habits. No.

You see a girl. She walks over with a bowl of noodle soup and immediately spills some onto her clothes. The grey brown splotch makes you gag slightly. She sits down and dips a spoon into the liquid. You tense, wary, and then you hear it. Sluuuuuuuuurp. Some soup dribbles down her lips, and she wipes this off with the back of her hand. Ahh, the slurper.

You look at her, nauseated. Maybe this was a mistake and she didn’t mean to. You think, what kind of God would allow this to continue? You shrug it off, look at her again.

This time she dips the spoon into the brown soup gently, brings it up slowly…and slurrrrrps. Again. Not only that, but she decides to chew the noodles, giving you a generous look into her mouth. No, that is not something you ever wanted to see.

Every time she takes a bite you cringe, expecting the worst. And you are not disappointed. The slurps and sloshes continue until her hands and mouth are greasy. Anything in close proximity to her, whether it’s her laptop or a book is stained and coated in flecks of soup and noodle. And she is perfectly happy with this, choosing to smudge it everywhere.


*this is a true account. The author is significantly disturbed.


3 Comments Add yours

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