Interested Applicants Must Shower and Apply

I realise I’ve been writing way too much about weird, pseudo-romantic issues that I may have in real life or in my head. I’m sorry. I understand there are better things to discuss out there, but this is a phase I’m going through so please bear with me. Okay so here’s another one:

“Mismatched relationships?”

I’m always curious to know what it means when opinionated people, or let’s be real, the Internet diagnoses two people as ‘mismatched.’ I mean, there are definitely things that don’t work well together: apples and oranges, hot cheese on ice cream or like, me and pigeons.

But…people? I think I have enough carefully constructed self-knowledge to make a list of my worst mismatched nightmare:

  • Someone who has never heard of deodorant. How will I give you hugs and affection if I have to hold my nose when I’m around you…one armed hugs? Okay.
  • Someone who has picky food choices. I can’t. Please be ready to eat and enjoy every and anything. I can be okay with them rejecting odd food combinations, even though come on, ice cream and french fries is heaven.
  • Someone who thinks astrology is made-up nonsense. Listen to me, I don’t sit and predict my day through horoscopes, but I love reading up about star signs and natal charts and if you make fun of me, bye bye bye (you’re probably a Taurus or Capricorn anyway tbh)
  • Someone who can’t flop down on the floor and be comfortable for hours. You look down at me because I sit on grass? I look up at you as you walk away. There are no sofas on the beach; my floor-sitting skills are valuable!
  • Someone who doesn’t believe in checking on social media. You’re telling me you won’t stay updated on my life? My Snapchat stories don’t exist just for you to not-look-at.
  • Someone who thinks make up is only for special occasions. You, I don’t need your negativity in my life. See you in another life, in Sephora probably.
  • Someone who doesn’t care about period films about the 1950’s-70’s. You don’t have to be in love with them, but do try to watch and discuss them with me.

So now, if you’ve read through this list, you probably have a lot of opinions such as: why are you so shallow? or these are horribly mundane things to care about! 

No, I do know that there are deeper, more problematic things that can create a mismatch. Serious issues like religion or values or goals or morals 0r families or lifestyles. But here’s the key to those: they can be worked out. Those are not things that can ruin relationships if both members are equally committed to making it work.

I believe in nurturing strong relationships. If I didn’t before, I mean I do now. As long as there’s a sufficient level of hard work, it can be done.

And in the mean time, there are tons of still undiscovered odd food combinations.


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